Chains of My Heart
by x - painted.flames
Summary: SephCloud; ---- I, Sephiroth, write this in my own hand. It has been hard for Zack to cope with Angeal's death, but I think Cloud helped. But now that the cadet is in severe danger of death, I can only pray to Gaia Zack does not follow after him.


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**_EDIT::_**

_This is now going to be . . . extended drabble. I'm going to continue it in a rather unique way. See the bottom of the story(but read the story first!)._

**_Introduction_**

_This . . . is unusual drabble for me. It's written in Sephiroth's point of view, of course, as a sort of journal type thing. I know it sounds weird, but I tried to make it not. It's rather AU-ish, however. Not like an entire different world, like a vampire fic or a highschool fic, but I . . . changed a few things to fit my setting. Such as Sephiroth never knowing Angeal._

_But as I said, this is drabble, so I'm not looking for critiscm. Critiscm on grammar and punctuation and whatnot are fine, but since this is drabble, I'm not going to take any story/plotline centered crit to heart._

**_Explanation_**

_This . . . is not shonen-ai. Although it could be. It's supposed to be just a very deep friendship. There is no actual shonen-ai or yaoi, but some people seem to like to think it shonen-ai._

_So basically, if you want it to be shonen-ai, it will be, if you don't, it won't. -_

**_Warning_**

_This is a very sad fic. I cried, and I almost never cry over characters. Except for Kadaj, but I kinda do that on purpose . . ._

_So if you are easily upset, then I advise you to stay away(unless you don't mind being upset)._

* * *

_**Chains of My Heart**_

_**June 16**__**th**_

I, Sephiroth, SOLDIER General write this in my own hand. A tragedy struck yesterday. One of our SOLDIERS(Angeal was his name, I think) has been killed by a poisonous snake found at the head of his bed. Zack Fair(a 1st Class SOLDIER and something of a friend of mine) was there when it happened. He saw the snake slither away, and it has not yet been found.

Zack has been in a state of depression ever since. I have come to the impression that he was friends with this Angeal person. It is uncomfortable for me to be around him now. I feel like I should say something comforting to him, but human emotions have never been my strong point. I would like to believe he will merely go on like this for some time, then return to his normal self, but I am having my doubts as to whether or not it will happen.

I am rather embarrassed to say it, but I think I miss the old Zack. All his pranks and jokes could be rather amusing. And his smile. His smile was something I have not seen in a long time. I miss the Zack who's energetic capers would always get him into trouble. I miss the Zack I used to know.

_**To Continue . . .**_

I have been to see Zack again today. He seems slightly better. I think he's spent some time contemplating Angeal's death, and has come to some sort of conclusion that moping about like he has been will not bring him back. I am . . . glad, I suppose. I do not think that is the right word, but I can think of nothing else that fits. Either way, whatever the word is, I think Zack is actually going to recover. It might take some time, but since when does any illness disappear overnight?

I have mostly been writing about Zack, haven't I? I suppose that's because he's the only person I could really call my . . . 'friend'. I know I can trust him. I don't know _how_ I know I can trust him, but I do not believe Zack would betray me.

But enough about him. I suppose I should be feeling something for Angeal's death as well, but I am not. I am truly sorry I cannot feel anything, when Zack feels so much, but there isn't really anything I can do. Angeal was not close to me, as Zack is.

Zack seems to appear everywhere in my life, doesn't he? I wonder if it is possible for me to write a whole paragraph about my life without mentioning him in some way.

Perhaps I'll experiment on this tomorrow.

_**June 20**__**th**_

Zack is still devastated by Angeal's death, but at least he's getting out and about a little more. He's training the cadets again, although with a little less vigor than usual. That is to be expected of course. He has nowhere near recovered, but at least he has found a way to mask his feelings and continue on with life. I think being around the cadets helps. He was once trained by Angeal, or so I have heard, and I suppose training someone himself makes him feel at home.

In other news, the snake that killed Angeal is still here. I saw it's slimy trail by the training grounds. I tread carefully now. For as strong as I am, I am not immortal, and venom is deadly to humans. I hope it is caught soon. It is rather annoying when Zack keeps imagining snakes in every dark corner.

Mako treatments are today. Mako is the one thing that actually makes me consider running away from this damned place. But I cannot. I've lived as a SOLDIER my entire life, and there's no way I could leave it. If only Hojo would go and die, things might be a little more tolerable. But that wretched man is still alive, and still mutilating humans and animals alike in his sick and twisted experiments that are supposedly going to 'help better mankind'.

I hope the snake finds its way to his bed.

Then again, I'm sure such a slimy serpent is invulnerable to a mere snake bite. I'd call him a snake at heart, except for the fact that I'm quite certain he doesn't have one. I'd like to see _him_ undergo mako treatments.

_**July 22**__**th**_

I was right. Being around the cadets does help. Zack spends most of his time there, and I think he's made friends with one of them; a small blond boy with pretty sea-blue eyes and a shy smile. I do not know his name, but I have observed the two from afar. The blond will smile and nod at everything Zack says, and never seems annoyed by his endless chatter. It's nice that Zack has found someone who will listen when he talks. Speaking of which, I've noticed he's talking more now. He doesn't laugh quite as much as he used to, but he seems to have regained his ability to talk people to death. The blonde doesn't seem to mind though. In fact, I think he rather enjoys it.

I shall have to investigate upon this boy. He is a strange little thing. He never complains during training, as I've been told by another instructor, and he seems to have a way of putting his whole being into his fighting. He reminds me of myself a bit, I suppose.

_**To Continue . . .**_

It seems Zack has most definitely returned to at least fairly normal. I merely asked him the blonde boy's name(which I learned was Cloud Strife, by the way), and he couldn't seem to stop talking about him.

According to Zack, in his own words this Cloud Strife person is: "naive in a cute way", "amazingly willful and headstrong", "absolutely adorable when he's embarrassed", and "much like a baby chocobo in many ways".

I have to admit, he is a rather curious creature. 'Creature' sounds rather vulgar, but I can hardly believe him to be human. He's much too naive and accident-prone, though he somehow manages to make all his mistakes in "such an adorable way that you cannot be mad with him", as Zack says. The situation is becoming more curious by the second. I believe I shall study this boy, and find out what there is about him that has lifted Zack's spirits so much.

_**August 11**__**th**_

I cannot believe how much I've grown to like the blond cadet in these last few weeks. Is he some wizard or sorcerer in disguise who has bewitched me? Despite myself, I severely hope not. The child is amazingly skilled, though he cannot see it yet himself. His mistakes are made only because he does not pay attention enough, and lets his mind wander. Only last week he spaced out during practice and nearly got his head sliced off. But for all his faults, he still has the makings of a true SOLDIER.

There are the faults in his personality to deal with, however. He is much too soft and gentle, and easily influenced. I sometimes find his quaint and quiet ways amusing, but I am afraid Shinra does not, and if he doesn't straighten up he will never be a SOLDIER.

But besides his skill as a SOLDIER, he also possesses skills in the area of human emotions. He has helped Zack so much! Zack seems to have completely forgotten Angeal's death, although I'm not quite sure that's a good thing. In either case, he's much happier now, and laughs just as much as he used to, sometimes even more. He and Cloud are now best friends, and Zack refuses to go on any mission without him.

I believe Angeal's death was the founding stone for their friendship. Having lost one friend, Zack is afraid to lose another, and stays by his side at all times. Because of that, their friendship has grown to more than Angeal's ever could.

At least, that is my theory.

But it is growing dark now, and we have mako treatments again tomorrow, so I shall put down my pen and contemplate these thoughts in my bed.

_**August 12**__**th**_

I am rather uneasy as a write this. I have just heard news that the snake was found- wrapped around the throat of one of the cadets.

I do not know what poor cadet was the victim of the snake's venom, and can only pray to Gaia that it was not Cloud Strife. I do not believe Zack could cope with another death, especially not when it was this same snake that killed Angeal. If Cloud Strife were to die, I fear Zack would soon follow after.

_**To Continue . . .**_

I am greatly relieved. It was not Cloud, although he was there at the time. In fact, I hear it was he who killed the snake. Zack is so proud of him, although the shy boy just shrugs it off and bows his head, trying to hide his blushing, the silly creature.

I myself think that the cadet was rather foolish. He could have gotten himself killed as well! But perhaps I underestimate the boy. He is not a child, even if his body contains a child's soul.

But then, perhaps it is his child's soul that endangers him so much.

_**September 3**__**rd**_

Cloud has been acting strangely of late. His fighting skills seem to have lagged off. I have never seen anything like it. He used to be so good at it! It is as if his will has disappeared, and his strength with it.

Zack tried to talk to him about it, but the foolish cadet merely pushed him away and refused to say what was wrong. I have never seen such a reaction from him. He has never pushed Zack away, or done the slightest thing to upset, until now.

Now Zack seems to be remembering Angeal's death, as he no longer laughs or jokes around. I cannot understand what has happened. Just because Cloud will not talk to him does not give Zack reason to fall into depression!

But perhaps I underestimate their friendship, and Zack's worry. Cloud is such a delicate creature, and I think I can understand Zack's concern that something might be wrong.

Perhaps IfI ask him he will answer me.

_**September 7**__**th**_

I simply cannot believe it. Our little Cloud Strife, dying? But it is true. Cloud has been keeping an immense secret from us. The snake he killed, the one that killed Angeal? It bit him before he killed it, and the poison has slowly been spreading through his body.

I discovered this when I found him curled up on the steps, seemingly asleep. I tried to wake him, shaking him gently at first, then harder when his eyes stayed closed. When he did not respond, I began to worry. I gathered him up in my arms and took him to the infirmary, and that was where the secret was found out.

I just don't understand why Cloud didn't tell anyone! Was it his child's soul, so set on becoming a SOLDIER, that held him back? I do not know.

The doctors(yes, real doctors, not that damn Hojo. I almost wish Cloud hadn't killed the snake. I was hoping it might get rid of that twisted monster) say the poison's been there too long, and there's nothing they can do.

He will live for awhile longer though. The doctors say it is because he had just got his first mako treatments, which always have the strongest effects. The mako combats the poison, but it can't fight forever. The doctors say he has four months or so left to live.

_**September 19**__**th**_

Zack is desolate. I don't know what to do. It's so strange, but I as well keep on feeling this deep ache in my chest. Is this what they call heartache? It depresses me so to think that in mere months the world will end for Cloud Strife.

Cloud is so brave about it though. He just smiles and laughs and says he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. He pretends everything is all right, and just keeps on living life the way its supposed to be lived. He refuses both Zack's and the doctors' pleas that he stay in bed. He says that it's no use living life laying down.

Sometimes I wonder if he really does have in him the darkness that is found in all hearts; has it been erased by the sunshine of his smile?

_**September 25**__**th**_

Cloud can no longer train with the other cadets. He has not been very ill since that first fainting spell, but he is still not strong enough to fight, and must often lie down and rest for a bit.

Zack has stayed by Cloud's side constantly. He refuses all missions, and won't go near the training grounds. I fear for his life, for if Shinra decides he becomes too troublesome, they may dispose of him as they see fit.

_**October 13**__**th**_

A new danger has arisen. Shinra wants to dispose of Cloud now, saying that since he will never be a SOLDIER and is going to die anyway, they might as well get rid of him!

_**To Continue . . .**_

I cannot express in words the alleviation I am feeling right now. Cloud will stay. Zack threatened to go into seclusion if they took Cloud away. Seclusion is something rarely heard of these days, but every bit as shameful. It's like a sort of self-exile, where you see absolutely no one and live out the rest of your days solitary. It would be an extreme embarrassment to Shinra if one of their 1st Class SOLDIERS did this, so they decided there would be no harm in leaving the child alone.

_**October 23**__**rd**_

I met Cloud in the hallway today. He seemed strained.

_**October 25**__**th**_

Zack says Cloud was having trouble training today. I myself think that the poison is taking much more of a toll on the blonde cadet than he is willing to let on.

_**November 6**__**th**_

Cloud doesn't seem well. I am worried.

_**November 10**__**th**_

I cannot stand feeling of disaster that hangs over me. But what can I do but pray to Gaia that a miracle happens?

_**November 17**__**th**_

Cloud looks so much better today! He was even able to train with Zack some.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe Cloud will really be all right. As Zack is fond of saying, there's nothing tattooed on him that says he'll die in a certain amount of time. Such thoughts give me hope.

Hope. Before I knew Cloud I would not know what that word meant, or what the need for it would be. Now it is the only thing that I can cling to, the only thing that can get me through the night.

_**November 29**__**th**_

Oh how cruel are the sudden twists Fate decides to make! Cloud's strength seems to have completely disappeared. He can no longer get out of bed, or walk without help. It is as if someone sudden decided to pull away whatever was supporting him in the first place.

Is it really true then? Will my single ray of sunshine in the this dark world be covered by the moon?

It isn't fair. That sounds childish, I know, but that is how I feel right now. Cloud, even though neither he nor anyone else knows it, is my inspiration and hope. His gentle words remind me there are such things as human emotions. His shy smiles remind me how delicate these emotions are. His quaint ways remind me to laugh every once in awhile. And his quietness can bring me into the realization there is more to life than fighting.

It's so strange. He's still alive and yet I miss him already.

_**December 1**__**st**_

It's the beginning of the end, I always say. The first day of the last month of the year. And it's the last month Cloud has to live.

I no longer have enough will to do anything it seems. I don't even like writing down my thoughts like this anymore. But I do it anyways, because I know that once Cloud is gone I'm going to want to remember what I felt in his last days.

That sounds so damn dramatic! I hate it! It makes his life sound like a Greek tragedy or something! Cloud Strife wasn't a tragedy, he was the best thing that ever happened to me in this living hell! Isn't, I mean. Oh Gaia, it already feels like he's gone!

I can't stand this!

_**December 6**__**th**_

I went to see Cloud today. I almost don't want to remember it. It hurts so much! I just can't understand it! Why does it pain me to see him smile his comforting smile at me? Why does my heart break at how quiet he is? Why do I no longer laugh at his quaint remarks?

Could it be because I know that soon I will never see them again? Is this terrible truth keeping me from enjoying the last few moments I have with him?

It isn't fair. Again I say this, because it isn't. A few months ago I would have laughed when people said "they died too young!" or something of that effect. I always believed that since everybody died sometime, it didn't really matter when. But now, I think I understand how completely unfair it is. Cloud had his whole life ahead of him. But now he will never know any of the joys found throughout life, such as a lover, a family, and children.

How many times have I wished this were only a nightmare, and I would soon wake up to find him clumsily going through his practices with Zack?

_**December 17**__**th**_

I will never write again. This is my last journal entry. I want to keep this as a memory of Cloud Strife, and I don't want it filled with useless thoughts of my life.

Cloud died last night. I think he knew he was going to die, for he asked Zack and I to come visit him that night. I should have suspected something. After all, he usually did not have the courage to ask me the time of day, much less to come visit him.

I cannot say I did not enjoy the time. I am rather glad I did not know he was going to die, however. I do not think I would have been able to enjoy it at all had I known.

But I did not know this, and Cloud was so friendly and cheerful I never suspected anything. He laughed a lot, and acted perfectly normal. It was rather strange to see him like that when he was stuck in his bed, but it made me smile at the very least.

I think the one moment I will cherish most is when he asked Zack if he would play the flute for him. The look on his face when Zack was playing was absolutely beautiful. He looked perfectly content laying there in his bed, his eyes half closed and his mouth curved into a slight smile. Cloud always did love music. He said it was soothing for the soul. Perhaps he was right, for I as well found myself slipping into a more tranquil state while Zack played.

Perhaps that was why it was only when Zack stopped playing that I noticed Cloud's eyes were closed and he wasn't moving or breathing.

I think it did not sink in at first, for either of us. Zack seemed to be in a state of shock, violet eyes wider than I've ever seen them. I myself was having trouble believing it.

There were several minutes of silence, before Zack seemed to finally understand, as he rushed to Cloud's side. I followed him, at a slower pace, still trying to grasp the concept that he was really dead. I had seen death before, of course, far too many times, but . . . there's something different between the death of a person you didn't really know and the death of a person you had really cared for. This was something I was realizing for the first time. For the first time I realized that not everyone was the same, and death always meant more to someone when the person dying was their everything.

This is why my memories of Cloud Strife are the most important ones of my life; he taught me how to unchain my heart.

_Sephiroth, SOLDIER General_

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_EDIT::_

_I'm going to most likely write a sequel in Zack's point of view, but I'd also like to continue this. As in, put this same situation in the point of views as the other characters. First Zack, and then Cloud. :D_

_Original message::_

_I__'m thinking of writing a sequel to this, in Zack's point of view, but I don't know. If you like this and want a sequel, tell me! Otherwise I probably won't write one._


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